I have been blogging here for about a year. It has been a worthy experiment, though I cannot say whether it has had its intended effect. Not yet at least. Though, I do think I am becoming more inclined to be open than I used to, I do not think a significant part of it has to do with this blog. Still, I have to admit, I like that I’ve written about one hundred thousand words on here, which is roughly the length of most books these days. I suppose writing books isn’t as difficult as it seems when you chip away at the writing part a bit at a time.
The hard part, quite honestly, is thinking of what to say. I had intended and it has proved surprisingly difficult to maintain the notion, without turning from it to speak to another, of using it as a means of essentially talking to myself. Something I have always done ever since I was a little lad at any rate, has been to talk to myself. I think it used to drive people in the vicinity a bit crazy though, I remember saying “I’m just talking to myself.” a lot, growing up. Yes, most of my conversations with myself took place aloud. Still do, in fact, though it tends to be more muttered than a full volumed speech for all to hear. I still regularly talk aloud to myself, especially when I’m excited or upset about something. Half the time I hardly realize I’m doing it.
I do it all the time, honestly, and I tend to refer to myself in third person, as ‘you’. The funny thing is I’m usually the sort to think things through before I talk about them, then I say them after they’ve been well thought through. Not with myself. I ramble on and on. This suggest to me that it’s probably more to do with trust issues than it has anything to do with my personality or anything like that. What is more, if you get me talking about something that I find interesting I have been known to ramble. Even this morning a facebook I did so in response to a post about time:
I believe time to be a physical property of the universe, for me it only makes sense that outside the universe there is no time. Time travel should only be possible within the universe itself, outside of it, which is where God would be, you would find that there is Eternity, a state which I’ve come not to see as lots of time, but no time at all. The implications are interesting indeed. I can’t recall exactly where it is said, but I seem to remember it being mentioned in the scriptures that the heavens can be rolled up like a scroll, which is exactly what I would expect to find in a universe of more than three dimensions with time as a physical property, possibly one of the additional dimensions that we are not immediately aware of. We’re fairly familiar with length, width, and hight. It’s been said that time is a good candidate for the fourth dimension, since it is so intertwined with space to the point that it is spoken of as space-time, not space and time. Some theories suggest there can be many more dimensions, though I believe ten seems to be the most popular thought to exist. A number of them can’t be measured quite as directly as the first four, but can be measured indirectly. It is fairly established that we live in a universe of more than three dimensions.
What I’m trying to say is that time-travel is an in universe idea, it is confined to within the universe itself. So what does it look like outside? Now. Only now, I suppose. There is and there is not. That is all. I ponder a lot of how the heavens can be spoken into existence. If time is a universe bound property then there is and there is not, what if to speak is to speak the ‘instructions’ if you will, to literally speak the actual language of the universe itself. What do I mean by that? Suppose you were to break reality into its most fundamental form, what if you could form that base of all reality into a language, and what is language? A convening of information, and what is it that we can expect to find as the building blocks of what we refer to as reality? Information. It should be possible for a being of infinite knowledge to create information out of nothing, and information, taking the form of the particles that comprise physical reality is still information essentially. In an Eternal state, there would be and there would not be, so to be would be the ‘state’ of the universe.
I see everything as words, so it is hard for me to picture the heavens as anything but the scroll it resembles in its ability to be rolled up. In many ways, I can’t help but wonder if the universe is sort of like a book more than what we might initially consider it to be. But throughout it’s put into very bookish terms. Where can you see the beginning? What is authored out of nothing? What is spoken into being? What is timeless? Words, books, that sort of thing. As a writer and lover of language, I think it makes it difficult for me to think of it any other term.
I don’t even know how accurate it all is, most of it is ‘in the moment’ conjecture as I write up the reply. I am aware that chances are I’m getting something or other wrong, but I like that I am communicating something. Communication takes many forms, my favorite is probably written, simply because it is the one I am most comfortable with. However, I’ve been thinking that I have to find ways to practice the spoken word, it is especially important for me to do so now, as I am reading aloud to other people now, and I’ve noticed I’m not used to speaking out loud, even though it’s just reading. Curiously, I’m much more comfortable singing out loud, in the exact same situation. I’ll have to find some sort of thing to read out loud I suppose. I did a little reading on the internet to see what could help you speak more comfortably, one of the suggestions was to read aloud, or even better, they said, was to read for someone else. That makes sense. Like I say above, I am inclined to talk to myself, and I do so relatively easily, but not so much with others, it’s not talking that is the problem, it’s talking to someone else that is the problem. Sometimes I wonder why I like learning languages and so forth, and so much when I have a hard time talking in my own as it is. It’s true that I have a hard time speaking in my own, true, but that’s not entirely true, and I’ve seen myself speaking more and more confidently as time goes one, and there is a noticeable difference after I started learning other languages in how I speak my own. All in all, I think I’m on the right road both with this experiment, and with my language learning endeavors.
I like playing this little game with myself where I try and identify languages when I’m out and about, just to myself, lately however I’ve heard some unusual ones, for a small city, I wonder, what brings people here? I’m pretty sure I heard someone speaking Korean yesterday. Mandarin I expect to hear a little bit, it is the most widely spoken native language in the world after all, Spanish is second to English in the United States, I expect to hear that as well. I really never hear French despite the fact that French speaking Quebec is not too far away from my state, I do see written French everywhere, on signs and products and such. It is also available as an option on a number of movies for the audio and/or subtitle tracks. Hearing Korean was a little unusual, but I like hearing languages like that, almost especially when it isn’t expected to be found in the place where I’m at. I would love to hear even more languages being spoken in the area, myself. Since starting my language learning, I’ve been amazed at just the ones I’ve noticed, and that has mostly been just passing through the stores and such, I am sure in other places in the city there are many other languages being spoken. I know one of my Aunt’s friends, I’m pretty sure, speaks Ukrainian. I may be mistaken, but I think one of the folks that came to our family thanksgiving, though I don’t think he’s actually a part of the family, he’s an old friend of the family, I think I heard him say that he spoke something else at one point, as he was talking about when he learned English, in the context of English as a second language for him. I found it interesting as I appreciate finding much more cultural diversity than a glance might have given me before I learned to appreciate it. In many ways, humanity is better thought of in terms other than race, and perhaps even ethnicity. I’m not sure, perhaps families might be a better term for groups of people. I am certain that the term race is more harmful than good and consider the notion of race itself to be inherently racist, I am uncertain about ethnicity, so I wonder, what would be a term to help people realize we are all one humanity? I do not quite know yet, but I am becoming more and more aware of just how many of the ills that plague us are linguistic ones. Words are important, and they do shape how we see things, and so I seek to find better words to describe the whole of humanity, and the various people who comprise it, and to seek to do so in a way that values diversity while recognizing the unity of humanity as a whole.